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A Beginner’s Guide to the Swinger Lifestyle

swinger partyA lot of couples reach a point in their relationship where they’re a little bit bored… or, they become interested in other people. It’s natural—some would even argue that humans weren’t made to be monogamous. But regardless of your position on monogamy, it’s normal to look at other people and maybe even imagine having sex with them.

Swinging is a good way for couples to explore their sexuality and spice up their own sex lives while still feeling safe in their relationship. It’s more comforting than having an open relationship, as your partner is typically still in the vicinity.

While swinging does seem enticing, it can be a murky—and potentially dangerous—territory for first-timers. Let’s get into a few tips that’ll help you decide whether you’re ready to swing, as well as some tips to make that first step.

 

  • Talk it over beforehand with your partner.

While you may be excited about the prospect of hooking up with other couples, your partner may not be as thrilled about it. It’s important to make sure the two of you are on the same page. Don’t try and strongarm your lover into swinging, as that will only create resentment and jealousy.

 

  • Educate yourselves.

Make sure the both of you understand what swinging actually is. Sure, it’s fun to have sex with other people—maybe it’s your kink to have your husband or wife watch you have sex with someone else. But do yourself a favor and educate yourselves on the lifestyle.

Try and find a mentor—someone who lives a swinger lifestyle and can tell you about the pros and cons of it. Be that online or in real life. You’ll be opening yourself up to diseases and you’ll have to place an importance on safe sex once again.

Swinging is not a way to fix a relationship in turmoil. It’s not going to rekindle a burnt-out relationship and it definitely won’t improve your sex life if it’s bad to begin with. That will only create resentment, jealousy, and ultimately, the end of your relationship. On the other hand, swinging is great for confident couples who are able to taper their insecurities. You and your husband or wife may even grow closer as a result of swinging.

 

  • Establish rules.

This is probably the most important step to follow. It’s also the number one rule that those new to swinging don’t follow, which makes their swinging experience a disaster.

Every couple will have their own rules. It’s important to talk to your partner to find out what they are and aren’t comfortable with and to honor that. If your partner doesn’t want you to kiss anyone else, respect that. Discuss possible scenarios that could happen and make sure you both would handle them the same way. Set boundaries—figure out what’s appropriate and isn’t.

At the end of the day, only you and your spouse can decide what is okay and what isn’t.

 

  • Do not get attached or jealous.

 

You definitely do not want to get attached to anyone that you and your spouse end up having sex with. Keep the act to the physical nature of it. Don’t exchange phone numbers if it isn’t absolutely necessary. If you feel yourself getting attached to one of your playmates, distance yourself from them. Don’t put yourself in situations that could hurt your partner because, at the end of the day, swinging is a couple activity.

Likewise, try not to get angry-jealous. This is why it’s important to set up rules beforehand. If you aren’t comfortable with your husband performing oral sex on another woman, make that known. Limit the possible scenarios that could leave you jealous.

 

  • Go online.

 

Nowadays, you can find just about anything online.  That includes sexual partners who are interested in just about any kink or fetish you can think of. Scoping out potential couples online to swing with is a safe way to discover the scene and narrow down what you and your spouse are looking for. It’s a more inactive approach to swinging than going to a swingers club, but it’s less daunting than the club.

One thing to keep in mind regarding online dating is that you need to make sure you’re safe. Maybe first plan to meet couples at a coffee shop if you’re interested in meeting them beforehand. If you’re not, still meet up somewhere public and walk to where you’re going to play together. Don’t give someone your address over an app.

 

  • Try the swingers’ club.

 

Finally, after meeting up with a few couples online, establishing yourself in the swingers’ scene, and working out the kinks, you and your spouse may feel ready to go to the swingers’ club. If you’re more comfortable doing things online, more power to you, but a club is a totally different experience.

One thing a swinger’s club isn’t is an orgy. Instead, a swinger’s club is more like a bunch of smaller groups having sex. Most clubs have private rooms you can retreat to with whoever you choose, so you don’t have to have sex out in the open if that’s not what you want to do. There’s also swinger’s club etiquette—no one’s going to approach you and just begin to touch you inappropriately. There and signs and signals and people use to signify interest, so do some research on that beforehand.

With all of that said, swinging can be a very liberating experience. It’s a great way to strengthen the bond between you and your spouse while still enjoying the experience of having sex with different people. Successful swingers are known to cheat less and are much happier overall. So, if you and your partner decide you’re interested, establish some rules, start slow, and be safe.

3 Responses to A Beginner’s Guide to the Swinger Lifestyle

  1. K. says:

    My fiancé is interested in sleeping with other people. I myself have never been one to think this way as I have always thought and felt being committed to one another is just that, the two of you. I don’t know how to really think or feel about the thought of having. Sex with others but doing the rest of life things together. How does one separate the two? The sex with others that means nothing and coming home your partner every night doing things las a couple buying a home and building a life together? I do not know anyone who participated in this life style and am curious to learn more. Thanks for the help. I hope this made sense.

  2. Gloria Smith says:

    Trying something new

  3. libyo says:

    I wish to try with my spouse.i wish to convence her.

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