5 Interesting Things You Might Not Know about Swingers
Recently it was revealed that around 10 million couples in the United States are open to having sex with someone from outside the relationship. Before we begin, this is not a reference to cheating, but sex with the permission and agreement of their partner. These people are frequently labeled as ‘swingers’, though why, how, where and who they have sex with varies enormously from one couple to the next. Generally, the term swinger applies to a couple who have sex with people from outside the marriage. The frequency and amount of sex again vary considerably, with some couples only doing it once or twice a year, while others engaging in it every weekend.
Since swinging is still such a misunderstood and marginalized subculture, here are a few interesting fact that might help you understand it a little better.
Most couples don’t start swinging just because the man wants to
It is generally assumed that the man in a relationship gets bored or frustrated and therefore initiates the couples move into swinging. In fact, it is frequently the case that the women that is the one who is dissatisfied and initiates the change. The reasons for this can be numerous, they can be anything from a women’s desire to sleep with another man to her being bisexual and wishing to have explore this side of her sexuality.
Many swingers actually report that the male didn’t initiate the conversation as they were too fearful of offending their partner. As a result, it was in fact, the women who raised the possibility of swinging. Men feel too scared that they might offend by being honest and risk being seen like they might want to sleep around because their partner is not enough for them. Women generally feel like they can be more open about this subject and are more often than not, the one who brings the subject up.
Swingers get jealous
Popular belief is that swingers don’t get jealous. Nothing could be further from the truth. Swingers, though not engaged in what you could call the average sexual lifestyle, are still subject to the same emotions as the rest of us. It is incredibly common to hear of swingers who have gotten jealous in some shape or form and have reacted in a way that showed offense. This jealousy could be between couples or even aimed at other swingers if, for example, an individual sees someone they like at a party going off with someone else.
The chances of the little green eyed monster rearing its ugly head are made far greater when sets of couples get to know each other more. A fairly common cause of jealousy is when two couples frequently meet to exchange partners but one couple then decides to swing with a new couple. In cases like this, it is not uncommon for the offended couple to completely cut off the other couple or at least to give them the cold shoulder.
Not all swingers are in it for sex
There are loads of terms that are common parlance within the swingers community. A ‘full swap’ refers to couples who both swap partners and have full intercourse with the other people. A ‘soft swap’, on the other hand, is usually limited to not having sexual intercourse, but rather something like mild sexual stimulation that doesn’t involve full-blown sex. Some couples will only swap women, while others just like to have sex somewhere other couples are also doing the same.
With so many different people involved in swinging, it doesn’t really come as a surprise that there are so many different ways that people choose to swing. It is not uncommon to meet swingers who go to parties every weekend but who haven’t had sex with anyone for a long time. Instead, there attend just to have a good time and enjoy themselves in an environment where they can be free of inhibitions.
Most swingers have a good relationship and really love each other
The popular misconception about swingers is that their relationship is not really one based on true love, but rather is one they continue because of financial or family ties. There might be a convenient reason that so many people choose to believe this,particularly as it then means they are not forced to be answer a few difficult questions about their own. The fact that swingers have been honest about the lack of sexual excitement in their relationship and have chosen to engage in a more sexually open one, is a fact that disturbs many other people.
The simple truth is that swinging takes an extraordinary amount of trust, understanding, and honesty between two people. There is also a requirement to master one’s own feelings to become a stronger person when emotions such as jealousy and guilt rear their ugly head. Becoming a swinger is not for the faint-hearted and so easier dismissed by others so that they need not ask themselves more difficult questions about their own strengths and weaknesses.
Swingers nearly always keep their life a secret
When was the last time you ever saw a sign on the street that read ‘swinger party this way’? The fact of the matter is that even if your neighbors were having a swinger’s party next door, you would not know that it was one. Swingers take their privacy very seriously indeed and choose to avoid any unwanted attention that might result from their lifestyle choice.
If you have not involved in the community, the chances you will even know a couple who are swingers is very small indeed. This is certainly more to do with society’s stigmas, rather than any feeling of shame. Swingers don’t have raucous all-night parties where the shouts and moans of couples having sex keep the neighborhood up all night. It just doesn’t happen.
In the end, swingers are just ordinary people who have chosen to be more open sexually. Other than this there is no difference between them and any other couple. The fact that they have chosen to be so honest with themselves and explore their desires, should give all people pause and motivate them to try to be brave enough to do the same.